Let's Talk About.... The Weather....

I am a planner by nature. I need a timeline, goals, even a pie chart to help me keep a handle on life. That is just how I roll. My fiancee is really not like that at all. He is laid back and just doesn't STRESS about things the way I do. Nothing wrong with that, it's just our personality differences.

When we have conversations I just want to go "Okay, let's put the fluff talk aside. I want a date for when we are going to move into a house. I want a date for when we are getting married. I want to know when you are going to see a doctor about getting your sperm checked. I don't want to talk about the weather!"

I know I need to chill out. And admittedly, I have a huge problem with anxiety. It's no surprise I am 33 and have more grey hair than most people my age (if you want to believe stress causes the grey hair). I have always been this way though. Great asset for work, not a great asset in the personal life, lol.

I tried to pin him down tonight. At first he just joked around but eventually he got the hint that I wanted to talk about this. He told me his thoughts on starting a savings account to go towards the tubal reversal. He wants for us to move to a house together but wants to have savings built up a bit before we do that. That part is fine, I am locked into my lease until September 30th anyways, so no biggie. He says "Don't worry, it is all going to work out." which is totally against my nature. I worry, that's what I do! I am going to try though to stop stressing myself out. 

The Weigh In

In order to have my surgery I have to lose weight. Would anyone be surprised to know I haven't stepped on a scale in months? I have no idea what I weigh at this point. Not a clue.

My goal weight is around 170. My estimated weight is probably around 200. GASP, how did that happen?

The sad fact is that I have become lazy. I don't eat horribly but my exercise is slim to none. So it's time to get my ass in gear. I even put a debate on the debate team on BBC to give me some ideas on what to do. Not even sure where to start except I do know I need more exercise.

So tomorrow I plan to weigh in. And then cry, lol. But it's for a very good goal so I have to keep my eye on the prize. I really want to have my tubal reversal done and I need to be at a healthy weight when the procedure is done. I also know that when I get pregnant I gain about 35 pounds so I don't want my end weight to be much more than 210 or so if I can help it. That's provided I am able to get pregnant to begin with after the surgery. 

Have I mentioned that my fiancee has no biological children of his own? We don't even know if he has a decent sperm count. So that's the first thing to check, and we are both kind of nervous about it. He is in his 40's so that is something to consider.

But regardless of baby or no baby I have to do something weight wise. I feel unattractive and out of shape. Marathon sex? Say what? I would need excedrin back pain relief after doing the deed, lol. I also want to be able to wear my cute clothes again. Not that I am a fashionista by any means. I just want to feel good about me.

Brand New Blog

It has been many years since I have blogged.

So here I am, back in the blogging world. Things have become very interesting in  my life, most of which I have only shared with two people. I figured it would be a good idea to chronicle the upcoming months, and possibly years if things go as planned. More on that in a minute.

A little about me, for those who don't know me. I am a 33 year old mother of two AWESOME kids. I am divorced and have been in a relationship with the same man now for four years. We will be getting married, which I have not announced to family since a date has not been set.

Those that know me well understand that it's a pretty big step for me to agree to go down the aisle again! But he is worth it. I can't see myself as happy as I am now with any other man. So, he's a keeper. And he can cook too.... hell I would be crazy to let that go! (wink)

The next big step is that I am going to spend this next year going through a weight loss adventure. See, if I call it an adventure it might not be so bad right? RIGHT? (sigh, lol)

There's a reason for the weight loss adventure.  Besides the obvious health benefits, there's something even bigger. I want to have another child.

WHAT? Did she just say that? BUT, but...

I had my tubes tied in June 2004. I was totally at peace with having this done because between my ex husband and myself we had FIVE children. All of them living with us at the time I gave birth to my youngest. Who wouldn't want their tubes tied living with that many kids, right? Well, I didn't expect my marriage to end in divorce. I didn't expect to ever want another baby, have I mentioned my youngest had horrible colic? I was done, or so I thought. 

Fast forward to now and I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful man. He has no biological children of his own, but raises his step son from a previous marriage. He is an excellent parent, even better than I am about certain things (cough*patience*cough). I know that he would love to have a biological child of his own, and he knows I can't give it to him with having my tubes tied. I would love to give him the gift of having his own flesh and blood to hold in his arms. Also, I don't feel like I am done having children.The tubal procedure is something I regret now.

That's enough for tonight's blog. I figured I would open this blog up and tell everyone where my life is now. Thanks for reading!